Picky-Eater Develops Strategy For Holidays

Wpman daring you to cook something she will eat.

by Blythe Leigh Rood

 

It’s the holiday season, and while families and friends will gather around the table to share traditional meals, I am preparing to dig in my heels.

 

You see, I don’t like certain foods.  I can have issues based on texture, color, smell, and/or preparation methods. There isn’t much rhyme or reason to my pickiness; it’s just me in a particular mood at any given time. As far as I know, I do not have any food allergies (okay, walnuts, but that doesn’t come up too often) so I really don’t have any excuse except my earnest wish to control the situation.

 

While home cooks are carefully preparing their menus for all the holiday festivities, I am preparing my responses to make it clear to them that I’M NOT GOING TO EAT THAT.  You might think that I am a toddler, but I am actually an adult with a Masters Degree in Communications.

 

Here’s what I have planned so far:

 

When offered a meal at a holiday event, I could put a little bit of each food on the plate and push it around while making conversation so that it would appear as though I am being respectful and eating the food.  I could even take a fake bite and then compliment the cook, but I will probably just sit there in silence, looking miserable, and make the cook feel bad for me.

 

If it’s a big family dinner and I don’t like any of the food, I will just go into the kitchen and make cinnamon toast or something.  Mom might have spent FOUR hours cooking but if I don’t like it, I am not eating it. She can go ahead and cry into her Pinot Noir if she thinks I am going to eat that masterfully created cuisine.

 

If I am a guest at someone’s home who doesn’t know me very well I go for the fake food allergy.  It’s not that hard these days.  I have even faked a rice allergy because the texture of the rice looked too sticky.

 

For all you home cooks out there, buckle up.  If it’s not me coming into your Food Network-Anthony Bourdain-loving-Cuisinart-world, it’s someone like me. It is our goal to squash your love of cooking and sharing food with those you love.