Farmington Mastodon Migrated From NJ For Lower Taxes, Better Quality of Life

 

 

The Mastodon settled near what is now the Hill-Stead Museum expecting a quiet life of family, friends, and a fulfilling career along with the other Pleistocene Megafauna.  It had lived in both New Jersey and New York and suffered their outrageous taxes and over-priced housing, so Connecticut seemed an economically sound choice. However, it soon encountered a small tribe of spear-carrying, bi-pedal, Pleistocene mammals whose battle-cry was a persistent, but vaguely defined, “CUT TAXES”.  Why weren’t these homo sapiens rejoicing in their good fortune? These small-brained creatures were living relatively well with remarkably low taxes. Why did they need to wear the skins of other mammals over their own and carry a big stick to survive?

 

As the Mastodon tried to engage these creatures it came to learn that they had little concern for others or for their environment.  They believed in manipulating the weak-minded to increase their power and, ultimately, only wanted what was good for their own small tribe.  They made false claims about the Megafauna and tried to vilify them in attack ads, but in person they actually supported the work that the Megafauna had been doing for Connecticut.

 

That acknowledgement did not sit well with their base, so they picked up their spears again, adjusted their furs, and screamed their battle-cry.  If they come to rule and wipe out all the diverse creatures in this beautiful state it may mean the end of an Epoch.