Maybe it’s in white font?

Local curmudgeons are frustrated that they will have to face members of the Town Council and Board of Education without the satisfaction of raising the blood-pressure of school parents.

“I like watching them pop-up out of their seats when I am in mid-tirade,” said Kent Trustalady.  “Won’t be the same without them lining up behind me and breathing down my neck”. He then went on to recite Chapter C, Article 10-1 of the Town Charter regarding the timing of the Annual Town Meeting – from memory.

According to the Town Newletter which was uncovered through an exhaustive search of the Town’s website (as it still hasn’t arrived in mailboxes), this year’s Annual Town Meeting will be at some undisclosed time on:

MONDAY, APRIL 16, 2018

Farmington High School Auditorium

Arrive early to ensure that you don’t get a broken seat that has been replaced with a metal folding chair.

The post Low Turnout Expected at Annual Town Meeting appeared first on Farmington Mirror.

His campaign manager, Mr. Carpenter, spoke to the press afterward while holding a big stick of butter. “Everyone thinks it’s all about Fairfield County, but they are burning out from their insane real estate and extravagant lifestyles.  Hartford is trying, but ultimately, Farmington represents the best of Connecticut, ” he said. “The founder’s son settled here, we have a river that travels in every direction, and both Mike Tyson AND 50 Cent wanted to live here.  Walrus will win. Farmington will continue to win.”

The post Walrus Announces Bid for Connecticut Governor appeared first on Farmington Mirror.

It’s the holiday season, and while families and friends will gather around the table to share traditional meals, I am preparing to dig in my heels.

You see, I don’t like certain foods.  I can have issues based on texture, color, smell, and/or preparation methods. There isn’t much rhyme or reason to my pickiness; it’s just me in a particular mood at any given time. As far as I know, I do not have any food allergies (okay, walnuts, but that doesn’t come up too often) so I really don’t have any excuse except my earnest wish to control the situation.

While home cooks are carefully preparing their menus for all the holiday festivities, I am preparing my responses to make it clear to them that I’M NOT GOING TO EAT THAT.  You might think that I am a toddler, but I am actually an adult with a Masters Degree in Communications.

Here’s what I have planned so far:

When offered a meal at a holiday event, I could put a little bit of each food on the plate and push it around while making conversation so that it would appear as though I am being respectful and eating the food.  I could even take a fake bite and then compliment the cook, but I will probably just sit there in silence, looking miserable, and make the cook feel bad for me.

If it’s a big family dinner and I don’t like any of the food, I will just go into the kitchen and make cinnamon toast or something.  Mom might have spent FOUR hours cooking but if I don’t like it, I am not eating it. She can go ahead and cry into her Pinot Noir if she thinks I am going to eat that masterfully created cuisine.

If I am a guest at someone’s home who doesn’t know me very well I go for the fake food allergy.  It’s not that hard these days.  I have even faked a rice allergy because the texture of the rice looked too sticky.

For all you home cooks out there, buckle up.  If it’s not me coming into your Food Network-Anthony Bourdain-loving-Cuisinart-world, it’s someone like me. It is our goal to squash your love of cooking and sharing food with those you love.

The post Picky-Eater Develops Strategy For Holidays appeared first on Farmington Mirror.

Hey Girl – I know you like to voice your opinion, but you don’t understand the situation and I control the narrative. So I’m just going to go ahead and delete those comments and block you. You know you like it when I try to silence you.

Hey Girl – I know you’re feeling upset about the national political climate. That’s why I use the same dirty tactics championed by the extreme right. Come on, you know you like it when I mislead you.

Hey Girl – I know I bring up Moody’s a lot.  You know all about moody.

Hey Girl – I know the high school referendum is behind us, I just like bringing it up because it’s the only thing I’ve won lately.  You know you like it when I win.

Hey Girl – I know the Town Charter hasn’t been revised in over 50 years, but me and my boys want to make some changes to it.  You know you like it when I rewrite the rules.

Hey Girl – I know you want to vote for the Responsible Farmington ticket.  You like it when your government tells you what to think.

The post HEY GIRL – YOU WANT TO GET “RESPONSIBLE” WITH ME? appeared first on Farmington Mirror.

During a recent interview in a West District study  filled with leather-bound books,  “Responsible Farmington” supporter and lifelong misogynist, Kent Trustalady spoke out saying that it’s time for women in government to end.  “The women running this town are always trying to ‘work together’ with the ‘community’,” he said, setting his Scotch down on a magnificent Art Deco Italian carved wood & portobello marble table and picking up a cigar. “That’s not leadership.  Leadership is telling people that this is the way forward.  Period.”

“Responsible Farmington” Bro Candidates

In an August 2017 New York Times article “How to Help Kids Disrupt ‘Bro Culture’”, legitimate reporter,  Ana Homayoun explained, “Bro culture uses the formidable elixirs of power and status to create a toxic social environment, and tends to be characterized by manipulative charm, entitlement and a so-called “rules don’t apply attitude” — as well as an inability to express emotion, show remorse or be vulnerable. Although the culture is typically associated with college fraternity life, evidence suggests that its seeds are planted in elementary school or earlier. The ways we talk to and interact with boys — the language we use, potentially celebrating masculinity at the expense of empathy — can limit boys’ social and emotional development. How can adults help break the pattern?”

It’s simple. Vote.

JUST SAY NO TO BRO!

The post JUST SAY NO TO BRO appeared first on Farmington Mirror.

Fortunately, a digital copy of the report can be found here:

Farmington Center Study

The post Gateway Report Used to Start Campfire at Town Council Gathering appeared first on Farmington Mirror.

“There are times that I may as well stay a solid red on the Garden Street side,” the signal stated, “because when I am green, either the eastbound traffic  on Route 4 is blocking the intersection or the traffic has piled up at the Epicure Plaza signal.”

Local motorists  on Garden Street have also been frustrated about the signal’s futility, some claiming that they have to wait through multiple cycles before they can get on to Route 4 in either direction.

“I know about the Whistleblowing law, too and I quote, ‘General Statutes § 4-61dd, any person having knowledge of … mismanagement, gross waste of funds, abuse of authority, or danger to the public safety occurring in any state department or agency or in any quasi-public agency may disclose such matter to the state Auditors of Public Accounts.’

The CTDOT has not commented yet on the lawsuit.  Construction is expected to continue through 2018.

The post Traffic Signal Seeks Representation Against D.O.T. appeared first on Farmington Mirror.